I find it difficult to believe that any white person has a problem understanding why he or she can’t use the “n-word” (hereafter written as “n****r”).
The first question that usually comes to mind is, what purpose is served by those white people who claim some sort of inherent “right” to use the word n****r? Honestly, is this a word that must be used on occasion? If that's the case, then why have I not felt this compulsion, and not used the word since I was five years old and called the garbage man that word and was hypocritically spanked and dressed down for having done so (hint: I was five; I had to have heard the word somewhere…).
You’ve heard the excuse. Some idiot utters the word, and when anyone objects, even a little, they come up with the excuse, “Well, black people use the word all the time!” or “Have you ever watched ‘Def Comedy Jam’? If they can use it, why can’t we?”
Seriously? Is that a real rationale? So, if I walk into your church and yell "Screw Jesus Christ!" no one should take offense because others have used the phrase before?
I think what's fascinating about these sorts of excuses is that the white person offering them always seems to feel put upon because they can’t use that one word. Out of the entire 400,000+ words ascribed to the English language, and we’re asked to stop using one single word because a significant portion of the population finds it offensive, and you’d swear that white people were being asked to become second class citizens.
And make no mistake; white people have the right to use the word. There is nothing in the Constitution or the law that makes it a crime for a white person to use that word. The issue isn’t a loss of freedom, it’s common courtesy.
(And that brings up another anomaly; have you ever noticed that the same people who rationalize white people's use of the word n****r that way are the same people who picket CBS for calling one of its shows "Shit My Dad Says"? Just sayin...)
What precipitates this column is a little diatribe on the part of "Dr." Laura Schlessinger on her program August 10. Courtesy of Media Matters for America, here is the audio:
Now, here is a partial transcript of the exchange:
CALLER: Is it OK to say that word? Is it ever OK to say that word?
DR. LAURA: It depends how it's said. Black guys
talking to each other seem to think it's ok.
CALLER: But you're not black, they're not black, my husband is white.
DR. LAURA: Oh, I see, so a word is restricted to race. Got it. Can't do much about that.
CALLER: I can't believe someone like you is on the radio spewing out the n***** word, and I hope everybody heard it.
DR. LAURA: I didn't spew out the n***** word!
CALLER: You said "n*****, n*****, n*****" and I hope everybody heard it.
DR. LAURA: Yes they did, and I'll say it again: n*****, n*****, n***** is what you hear on HBO.
[Crosstalk]
DR. LAURA: Why don't you let me finish a sentence? Don't take things out of context. Don't NAACP me, leave them in context.
In all fairness, Schlessinger did post a typical right wing non-apology apology on her blog the next day, which can be found here. (She says this was read at the beginning of her radio show, and I’ll take her word for it.) Here is a short segment from that post, which demonstrates why people like Dr. Laura is still clueless as to the real issue here:
I talk every day about doing the right thing.
And yesterday, I did the wrong thing.
I didn’t intend to hurt people, but I did. And
that makes it the wrong thing to have done.
I was attempting to make a philosophical point, and
I articulated the “n” word all the way out - more than one time. And that
was wrong. I’ll say it again - that was wrong.
I ended up, I’m sure, with many of you losing the
point I was trying to make, because you were shocked by the fact that I said
the word. I, myself, realized I had made a horrible mistake, and was so
upset I could not finish the show. I pulled myself off the air at the end
of the hour. I had to finish the hour, because 20 minutes of dead air
doesn’t work. I am very sorry. And it just won’t happen again.
Now, this column is not exactly about the dreadful “Dr.” Laura; she's not the problem, she's evident of a symptom in American culture. This is about all white people who seem to be able to rationalize white people’s use of the word n****r based on the fact that African-Americans also use the word. What she says above regarding her “philosophical point” is something that I’ve heard from many white racists all my life. It’s a rationalization of something that is inherently irrational.
I used the term when I was five, as I said, in part because everyone around me used it. And while it is tempting to stick with the rationale that family and friends were a "product of the times" and excuse it away, I choose not to do so. I have made it crystal clear that derogatory racial slurs are not welcome around me, and only one person has gotten away with using them during my adult life, when my son was very little and I needed a job. He routinely referred to Mexican-Americans as "wetbacks." Of course, as I was leaving that job, he heard it from me, loud and clear.
I remember when the O J Simpson story broke. I was working at a department store in the electronics department in Tucson, Arizona. (By the way, he did kill his wife -- not because he's black, but because he's an asshole.) Simpson had been arrested and was being arraigned, and all televisions were tuned to it. As I watched, a white guy wearing a pinstripe suit (which was already strange, if you know anything about Tucson) came up to me and whispered into my ear, as if I was a member of the same fraternity, “I hope they string that n****r up by his nuts.”
Shocked, both by the fact that he was wearing the suit and by the fact that he was uttering this shit to a complete stranger, I responded, “Fucking redneck.” Perhaps it was wrong of me to stereotype him in such a way, but hey; I was basing my assessment of him on his actions.
My hair is blonde (albeit less blonde than it used to be) and my eyes are blue, but white folks, I am not part of your little “club.” I have always objected to that word, and at least a dozen others used to describe black people, as well as a few dozen used to describe other ethnic groups, all my life. I have heard all of the excuses. I can't count the number of white people who have actually said, “when I use the word n****r, I’m not talking about all of them,” as if that was a rational basis for its use. (And please don’t use Chris Rock’s comedy bits as a rationale.) I have heard some use it, notice my resultant scowl (I am not afraid to express myself on this) and offer up the excuse, “I know I shouldn’t use that word, but he made me mad!” I also know some folks who seemingly divide everyone into whatever ethnicity they belong to, and they use derogatory terms almost as identification.
There is no rational reason for anyone to use the word n****r in everyday use. But for anyone to think that a black person’s use of n****r is equivalent to a white person’s use of the term makes you incredibly ignorant. It’s that ignorance that makes you racist. And yes, I said racist. The concept of racism isn’t just about wishing that black people were still slaves or wanting to burn crosses on their lawns or lynch them. It’s about looking at someone’s skin color and making an instant determination with regard to their personal character. It’s about identifying someone based solely on the color of their skin. It's about being able to rationalize noting major differences between people of different ethnicities and refusing to see the far more common similarities.
Honestly, I think racism is so deeply embedded in our culture, we are all racist to some degree. That includes black people, and it even includes me. What makes me "better" on this issue than people like “Dr. Laura” and other white people who seem to be able to rationalize the use of the word n****r? In my opinion, it's because I have worked to overcome my racism, and I work hard to see people as individuals. Yes, I slip sometimes, as my minority friends can attest. But I generally try to treat everyone in my life as an individual, and not as part of a group that someone else at some point in history decided had to be treated as a separate group. The way I try to see people isn't based on their physical category; it’s based on how they act. Do I fail at that at times? Of course I do; I’m human. We all develop initial impressions of people that turn out to be wrong; it’s part of the human condition, and no one can fault someone for that, as long as they acknowledge their mistake, learn from it and move on.
What makes right wing racists so repugnant is their inability to ever acknowledge when they're wrong. I'm not talking about apologizing for doing a wrong thing; I'm talking about being wrong. I'm talking about thinking wrong and believing wrong, and attempting to change how you think, feel and believe. People on the right side of the spectrum (and honestly, some on the far left, as well) lack the ability to admit they're wrong and change their mind on something.
I know, there are a lot of people who give people like “Dr.” Laura a pass, and claim they’re not racist because they wouldn’t actually own a black person, or because they are generally friendly to black people they meet in the course of their lives. But the sad thing is that people like this don’t acknowledge their mistake, they rationalize it. Note that “Dr.” Laura doesn’t apologize for the truly offensive aspect of her rant; she apologizes for not self-censoring the actual word itself. If she had just said “n****r” without any context, few would have been offended. Instead, she utters the word in a lame racist rationalization of the word’s use by some white people, based on the fact that some black people call themselves and each other that term.
This is a woman who pretends to be a psychologist, folks. This is a woman who claims to have the "wisdom" to treat people’s problems as if she was actually qualified to do so. One trait I never ascribed to the dreadful “Dr.” Laura was stupidity. I always considered her an intelligent woman who knows her audience, which consists of people (mostly women) who pretend to have a problem and who would rather call a radio show anonymously and talk to a woman who will never see her face and never give her a thought five minutes after the phone call, and pretend she actually dealt with the problem. But apparently, "Dr." Laura has drunk the right wing fruit punch to the degree that she no longer counts common sense as a part of her intellectual repertoire.
But again, this column is not about “Dr.” Laura. It’s about white people getting a clue and realizing that black people have politely asked us to treat them with respect as human beings, and to delete race-based derogatory terms from our vocabulary, especially the word n****r. I don’t think that’s an incredibly oppressive request on their part. There’s no need to use these words. I mean, they’re not definite articles; they’re not words necessary to communicate in the English language. So, what’s the problem with a little common courtesy?
Black folks have the moral standing to use it with each other, and we don’t have the moral standing to use it at all. If black folks would like to debate the use of the word amongst themselves, no problem. But our white ancestors gave up the moral high ground on race a long time ago. That word was used to define people that rich white people considered to be their “property” and that poor white people considered to be rich white men's property. The first slaves were brought here in 1619, and slavery was a fact of life for nearly 250 years. For another century, that word was used to define blacks as second class citizens, and used to make sure they knew they weren't welcome here. Therefore, they’re a bit touchy about white folks using the word, based on the connotation the word has taken on throughout history.
Now, black people are using the word with each other in an attempt to take the sting out of the word. I'm not a part of black culture, so I can't relate. But the word coming out of one black man’s mouth to describe another black man has a completely different connotation than when the word is coming out of a white man’s mouth to describe a black man. That simply can't be denied.
If this is a difficult concept to understand, think of it this way. If you call your wife a bitch, doesn’t that have a different context than when a total stranger looks at your wife and calls her a bitch? It’s the same word, right? If you can call your wife a bitch, shouldn’t everyone else get to call her that, too? If you have a mentally challenged kid, you might refer to him playfully and affectionately as a “little retard. (I’m not saying you should, by the way; this is just by way of example.) Now, how do you feel when some other person calls him a “retard”?
Put simply, I’m sick of this crap, folks. Black people have asked us nicely to stop using the word, period, and it’s not a difficult request to honor. At some point, we have to grow up as people and realize that all people are the same; we really are. We may have different traditions, but that’s what makes us all rich as culture.
Stop using the word.
And while you're at it, you might want to excise all of the other epithets you use regularly, as well. It really is possible to refer to homosexual Ahmed Martinez as a "Raghead wetback faggot." You could actually call him "Ahmed." Or, if you don't know his name quite yet, you could refer to him as "sir."
He'd like that.
